(This took the entire start and end of a 6 month whirlwind romance to complete)

There Came a Day Where I Accidentally Found Myself Face to Face With My Best Friend

And we had only just met.

• I know how it sounds. Sappy childish bullshit dredged from some romantically idealized corner of a traumatized childhood example of what love looks like. But I’d tell you to go fuck your self for giving me that look and you’d know then and there that you were about to face your reasoning for the cynical knee jerk reaction.
• I know love. I know it on every level it can be felt. I know it’s Shadow self I know the intricately woven ways it can be weaponiZed against a vulnerable child too scared to speak up for his own justice. I know the lifeline it can be when someone else finally does.
• I know the related aspects of human connection like: trust, reliability, security, safety and nurturing, stability and awareness of self worth; the faith in others it can promote when it’s given from a place of “because I can” not just “because I’m supposed to”.

I am not a romantic person. I am not a believer in the “happily ever after” narrative. Not because I’m cynical or traumatized or jaded. But because love is only a facet of an energy that has power yes but it isn’t all sunshine and unicorn queefs. It isn’t neat and concise. Easily boxed up packaged and sold on a shelf. It’s authentically sloppy and raw. It’s a hurricane and it’s fluid and it’s real and it’s now and it is incredibly painful. Ever:

“Love someone so much it hurt?”

“Hurt the ones you love the most?”

“Felt unrequited love for someone?”

“Lost the love of your life?”

Every great drama, tragedy or comedy film is usually a love story of some kind. It’s relatable. I could relate to ALL of them. If a relationship could be fucked up, borderline abusive to physical assault, “I’m in a hospital bed with a fractured skull” type of abusive, karmic and toxic and impossible to say good bye to, I had been in it. I could rewrite my love life in any genre from rom-com…